BUMPASS, VIRGINIA?
NOTE: This is an example of a country rant. Yes, there will be rambling, and it will jump from subject
to subject without explanation. It may or may not make sense. Reader confusion is assured. Enjoy.)
AN INTERESTING EXPERIENCE HAPPENED TO ME, as I stood in front of an extra-large, push-pin map of the U.S.A. The map was in a waiting area and the kind for visitors to thumbtack hometown locations. One person stated, “I’m from right here,” and another’s reply was “Well, I’m from over there.” Then, I was asked, at last, “Where are you from?” Without hesitation, “Do you see this space with no writing on it?” I exclaimed, as I dully planted my thumbtack.
The thumbtack story is merely an illustration, but it raises a point. Bumpass, Virginia is, unquestionably, one of those quaint and oft-forgotten places. It is not a travelers’ destination but that is not to say it is not worth the travel. Its location is better affixed in memories than on maps. Memories of those who have ventured to jump across a creek and failed or maybe those who have succeeded (the latter being few in number). It is for those who have huddled round a large tree or trash fire in long conversation, rolled down a hill in a drum from a washing machine or who have had a hundred other curious encounters. Bumpass, in one humble opinion, is a fine example of a place not defined by its borders; both figuratively and literally, as will be demonstrated shorty.
The Land of Bumpass is associated with an area of the same name. Within this area there is a hamlet, zip code, county district and precinct all called Bumpass; however, not all conform entirely to the area definitions. A hamlet, for lack of any other term, refers to any named area with a population smaller than a village; a village being smaller than a town. The Hamlet of Bumpass is located at 37°57'49"N and 77°44'14"W. The Bumpass zip code is 23024. The county district that corresponds with the zip code is, confusingly enough, called the “Jackson District,” which is subdivided into the Locust Creek and Bumpass Precincts.
Within these boundaries, there are various other hamlets that fall within all or some of these lines. Within the county district and the zip code, there are five hamlets that fall neatly within both. These are Buckner, Bumpass, Wickham Corner, Jackson and Locust Creek. Plum Tree and Greenes Corner may also be included what is properly thought of as Bumpass. Yet, Plum Tree lies half inside and outside of the district, and Greenes Corner manages to fall inside the district but outside the zip code. As well, two other hamlets fall inside the zip code but outside of the district: Willowbrook and Holly Grove. Their respective residents may or may not consider themselves to be part of Bumpass. Lastly, Lewistown falls inside the zip code, outside the district and in a different county altogether, which is weird and probably very confusion for the inhabitants of Lewistown.
Oddly, it is the Jackson District that corresponds most closely to what is thought of as Bumpass than any other means of demarcation. Accordingly, the Jackson District might have just well been named the “Bumpass District” to avoid any confusion, but why this was not done the reader is left to speculate. The area of Bumpass is of an irregular shape resembling a “catalytic converter,” say some (that is to say the one person who was queried). Additionally, older maps show a few hamlets that either no longer exist or have been forgotten by cartographers. These include but are not limited to: Longcreek, Duke and Zanto. Another hamlet called Bend is likely presumed to be submerged under the waters of Lake Anna, an artificial lake created in the 1970s. Anyone wishing to visit Bend is encouraged to keep dry.
But, to return to the original point, a good many of Bumpass’ inhabitants do not dwell within the hamlets but in the spaces in between. They have a “hometown” only in the figurative sense of the term. What is more, they will likely never leave. Bumpass, for any faults it may have, does not know of the ridiculous rents that cityfolk shell out every month, the absurdity of paying for water or the completely nonsensical notion of throwing away food rather than saving it for another day.
There is another point worth mentioning. It is one for anyone in the big cities, or small ones for that matter, who may be reading this, so concerned of what those in the far-off countryside “must” be saying about them or what they “must” be plotting. To put the matter gently, it is this— utterly, totally and comprehensively, you and your business is of no interest to us.
Generally speaking, you are the last thing we think about, you are the last thing we talk about and you are just not that interesting and/or important. For the city is just as boring to us, if not more so, than the country must be to you. Now, to be clear to the point, we do not harbor any ill will, it is just as your life revolves around where you live, do not be at all surprised if our lives revolve around where we live and not around you. In fact, to illustrate, how much we utterly do not care, we would rather talk about an odd car seen in passing or a very large snake, we are not even sure exists at all, than anything city-related. We hope you have not taken any offense to this, as cities are generally use to being in the spotlight. Hence, the “city” field on a mailing form rather than say “area,” why any commute longer than twenty minutes is oddly considered “long” or why we say “country cousin” rather than “city cousin.”
Oh, and this, this here, does not mean that we care. Rest assured, I have devoted these pages to good ol’ country freedom, and I am on the verge of cringing at every mention of “the city” here. Alas, contrary to whatever notions, there is nothing so interesting in the city or about you cityfolk that anyone on the outside should be obsessed with it. Naturally, if there is an emergency, word will come by, and we will take note. For anything else, it is not worth our time. But, if this still does not put you at ease, permit me to elaborate.
It is a matter of historical record that the most consistent trait of those who harbor ill feeling against others has nothing to do with demographics, for the ignorant can just as easily be found in any kind of environment. Such persons are simply the type who think themselves so important that everyone else is either always talking about them or wishing to do them harm. Sorry, if it is a disappointment, but the average person is so utterly unimportant that nobody really knows, let alone cares, that they exist at all. Most people, in any country, on the face of the planet, at any given moment, are not doing anything more than standing around talking (often even less). Consequently— relax. If everybody else is really out to get you then you would not still be here, would you?
However, if there are, in fact, any countryfolk who think that somewhere way off in the city or whatnot someone is plotting against them, well, allow me to provide reassurance. If those in the cities are inconsequential, and people have heard of those cities, y’all assuredly have not the slightest thing to worry about.
It is like this: spend your life expecting a surprise attack, and you are only going to receive one from your aorta. Take time obsessing over the money of others, and your’s will be gone before long. In short, give your attention to what actually might could get you in the long run. Do not worry about comets or atom bombs, sharks or terrorism. A one percent cause of death only deserves the same proportion of your attention. There are those whose job it is to look after such things, leave it to the professionals; plus, it is not as if you could stop these things if you tried.
Instead, why not worry about what you can prevent, like heart disease, cancer, accidents, chronic lower respiratory diseases, stroke, Alzheimer's disease, diabetes, influenza/pneumonia, nephritis and intentional self-harm (i.e. suicide)? Quit looking over your shoulder, and take a good hard look of what is on the inside. For it does not matter where on earth you are from, whether Bumpass or a city far away, it is all the same.
Stop worrying about each other—start worrying for each other.
February 26, 2020
